India-isms

India is a mind-blowing, shocking, wonderful place that most travellers tend to both love and hate at times. There are so many things that make India India - here are a few India-isms that we have noticed and thought were interesting.

* About 90% of the men here have mustaches, beards, or both.
* About 90% of the men here will stare at a foreign woman, even if she is modestly dressed and covered from head to toe. But, when it comes time to talk, if the woman is with a male partner, she is pretty much ignored, and all questions and discussions are directed to her "husband".
* The soft drink bottles tell you "this drink contains no fruit".
* About 90% of the plates, cups and bowls have a very strange swirly brown pattern that we've never seen anywhere else.
* About 99% of all interactions with the Indian people are either with men or children. Women rarely speak with foreigners, except perhaps on the trains, when they are with their husbands.
* When Indians discover that Edwin is from New Zealand, immediately the conversation turns to the Cricket World Cup.
* There are delicious sweets called "barfi".
* At the post office, all parcels must be sewn up in cloth and sealed with wax, as this is the only way "to make sure that no one will open your parcel".
* The Indians have a remarkable head wobble gesture which may mean "yes, no, maybe, I don't know", or about a dozen other meanings we haven't quite figured out.
* On the roads, pedestrians outnumber bicycles, which outnumber bicycle-rickshaws, which outnumber auto-rickshaws, which outnumber buses, which outnumber trucks, which outnumber cars. Throw in several cows, a few bullock carts, the occasional camel and that's traffic! And, it seems there are no rules, other than the bigger the vehicle, the more right of way you have, but if you're a cow, you have the ultimate right of way.
* There is absolutely no sense of privacy or personal space. If there is an inch of space in a queue, or on a train seat it will be taken. It's quite common for the owner of an internet cafe to look at your photos and read your emails as you write them.
* We're not sure if Indians think they are being helpful, or just curious, but often the way they speak with us turns into commands - "come, sit, where are you going? what hotel are you staying at? what country are you from? what is your profession? what is your salary?" If you do not answer all these questions, they think you are being rude.
* Indians are still bewildered by freckles - one girl asked me "what happened to your hands?"
* There is a barrage of smells - spices, delicious aromas of food being cooked, incense, mixed with poo and urine.
* There is a barrage of sounds - bus drivers use their horns constantly to communicate with other traffic, the rumbling of buses and Enfield motorcycles mixes with loud Indian music.
* It's quite probable that your rickshaw driver will try to take you to a different hotel than the one you specify to try to collect commission from its owner.
* Queues are not really queues - people come in from all sides, front and back - generally holding out some money will get you service quicker.
* The trucks are painted with signs saying "horn please" and "use dipper at night" (it took me a while to figure out this means low beam).
* Children and beggars seem to see foreigners as walking gift bags - "money, one school pen, one chocolate, one photo, rupees".
* Every second shop seems to be a "STD/ISD/PCO" shop. These mean Subscriber Trunk Dialing, International Subscriber Dialing, and Public Call Office. These are places where people can make phone calls - basically manned phone booths.
* There seems to be a constant battle with dirt - people bath numerous times a day, sweep dirt and rubbish away from their doorsteps, and seem to always be doing their laundry. But the dust is unforgiving, the rubbish piles up, and their laundry is often placed on the dirty steps just outside their home.
* Men pee everywhere. Kids poo everywhere.
* The locals have a wonderful pride about their country and its sights - "have you seen the fort, have you seen the Taj Mahal?"
* India seems to be a living history - people living in ancient forts and havelis, harvesting their crops by hand, using bullock carts as a major form of transport. But at the same time, it's rapidly becoming a software giant.

Location: McLeod Ganj, India